It's Okay To Be The Black Sheep.
- Catharina Foster
- Mar 15, 2018
- 6 min read
Everyone has a story, about who they are, where they came from, and what has shaped them into the person that they are today. This is my journey to discovery of true self and why I was never made to fit in.
Growing up I was never the "cool" kid, I was never popular, I never fit in, and I really just never felt like I belonged. Junior high and high school were such sensitive and confusing times for development of myself. I just wanted people to like me so I would do whatever the "cool" kids said to do and be whoever the "cool" kids said to be. I was bullied for a majority of this time. I later became a bully in high school. Only to figure out that belittling others is not a source of fulfillment (I am truly sorry if I have ever hurt you in any way), it actually made me feel worse about myself. I was doing things that I didn't actually enjoy doing, like smoking cigarettes, sleeping around, and telling my parents I was having a sleepover at Bekka's house but I'd actually be dying in a corn field from too much vodka.
It wasn't until I tore my left ACL a second time in the beginning of my junior year season that I had a true reality check, as the basketball court was the only place that I felt I could ever be my true self in my adolescent years. This made me decide to change my life to focus on what really mattered and to me at the moment, it was my relationship with my sister. I stopped doing what everyone else wanted me to do and I started doing what I wanted to do and that was spending time with my sister. We became so close my senior year. She was the student manager for all of the sports I played and I started doing dance with her (ballet and jazz, LOL I sucked). Feeling loved was one of the hardest things for me growing up as I did not have close relationships with my parents and I would look for love in all the wrong places. My sister filled that void that I was experiencing momentarily, as there was nothing that could give me greater joy than being an amazing big sister during that time in my life (and basketball LOL). But still, socially I felt like I didn't really belong anywhere.
I then went on to play basketball and study Biology and Chemistry at Morningside College my freshman year. This was the crucial life changing year in my journey. I was raised in a traditional Lutheran church where they still play the organ aka dying crow music, I believed in God but never had a true relationship with Jesus. Until, I was invited by one of my teammates to attend the college youth group at Sunnybrook Church, and man, the first night that I went changed my life. I walked in to a church and people were worshipping Jesus with music that actually sounded good. The atmosphere was filled with the Holy Spirit and at the time I couldn't really process what was going on but in my head I was like "bro, I'm feeling weird, something's happening". People were crying during the message and prayer, I was in such shock of what I was witnessing and how DIFFERENT it was. That night I went back to my room, I was alone and praying. The Holy Spirit washed over me and I started crying, it was like every good feeling you could ever feel all at the same time at the most you could ever feel it. That was the night that I experienced true unconditional love, the night that I gave up myself for the cross, the night that Jesus became my Lord and Savior, the night that my eternal destination changed forever from hell to heaven.
This is the time period when I started experiencing large amounts of spiritual and cognitive development. I still didn't fit in anywhere but I just started to care less and less the more I found out about what Jesus had to say about who I was in His eyes to the point where I didn't care what anyone had to think or say about me at all. I started embracing the fact that I was a black sheep and I slowly became able to express myself publicly without fear of criticism or hatred because NONE of it mattered (this is when I started my tattoo sleeve to express my faith and journey). If you're ever in doubt or confusion about who you are, open your Bible. You'll find everything you need to know about the spirit that God has put inside your body. He knows every hair on your head, He knew how you'd be before you were even born, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you're worth more than rubies, you're made in His image, you are sinful but the spirit of God lives inside you, and you are SO loved by the creator of the universe.
So you see, the presence of Jesus is truly the only place that I have ever felt like I belong. And I'm okay with that because Jesus is all I will ever need. I'm okay with being an unfavorable light in a world of darkness like a person at a movie theater using their cellphone while getting popcorn thrown at their head. If you don't like me, THAT'S OKAY, Jesus loves me and that's the ONLY thing that matters in this life. And guess what if you don't like me and you're reading this post, you're hearing about Jesus, the only name that saves, the only name that matters. And that's all I truly ever want for each and every one of you, to know Jesus, to know that it's okay to stand out, and to know that true self worth can only be found in Christ. For Jesus is the true riches of this life, there's nothing that can make you wealthier. For what would life be if you gain the world but lose your soul? It's okay to be the black sheep.
Please leave me a comment with what I can pray about for you.
Here's 10 of my favorite verses about being different:
1. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; -- Romans 12:6
2. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. -- Genesis 1:27
3. But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” -- 1 Samuel 16:7
4. Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; -- Psalm 1:1
5. “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many." -- Matthew 7:13
6. Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. -- 1 John 2:15-17
7. And all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank from the spiritual Rock that followed them, and the Rock was Christ. -- 1 Corinthians 10:4
8. “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. -- Matthew 5:13-14
9. But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:8
10. But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect. -- 1 Peter 3:15
CHECKOUT my video on How I Met Jesus.
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